i have the song bittersweet symphony stuck in my head. the verve, what a great band. except i'm hearing the lucas rossi version in my head. shaking my head doesn't get it out.
it's raining really hard today and i am despising it.
i am also getting terribly bored with this blog. i had all these fun things i was going to do with it, and make it pretty and all that. never happened. i think i'm just going to finally put together my own portfolio site. possibly start another blog. we'll see.
this post was completely irrelevant.
xoxo.m
Monday, July 23, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
.bullet with butterfly wings.
so remember what i said about the free time thing? apparently i can't just keep things simple. yesterday i got a phone call telling me that i am now one of the two managing editors for thescoop08.com.
i am beyond excited about this. i was hoping for something a little higher than what we were discussing. but this threw me into idea mode - ideas swimming and me trying to remember all of them. then my brain fried out. i had a mimosa and some fruit. then i had to recuperate in order to put together job descriptions (they put me right to work!). it was funny, as we were talking and editors-in-chief were offering me the position, a small part of my brain was pounding and moaning in agony. what was i thinking? i had been almost relieved at the end of the school year to be done with being managing editor for speakeasy, and all the craziness and headaches that incurred. what was i thinking taking on a similar position with, arguably, more pressure?
it's because it's what i do. i'll probably end up spending every waking moment on it (story of my life) while not getting paid (story of my life, part 2). but it's what i do. it's what i needed. a jolt. i'm not happy unless i'm throwing myself into something i'm passionate about and something i believe in. while my internships are great - providing great experiences and much-needed financial help - they don't make me feel like that phone call did.
the summer has been amazing so far. a good break. some relaxing weekends. but i was starting to feel that drag. the drag of going home at the end of the day with nothing else on my mind - and yeah it's nice to have some time to get the dishes done, clean up every once in a while, spend a day at the beach, etc. but after a month of that, i'm ready for something else. the minute i got off the phone i practically screamed and i couldn't stop smiling.
this is what life is about, i think. that feeling. it can come from any number of things, i think, but for me, big chunk of it comes from throwing myself completely into a project that i truly believe in, that i'm truly passionate about, that can possibly make a difference in someone else's life too - whether it's through the reporters, the readers or both.
the impact is what counts.
because whether we are ready to admit it or not, nearly every little thing we do impacts society in one way or another. if you watched live earth this past weekend that was extremely evident (btw, i got to see the smashing pumpkins, madonna and wolfmother perform - amazing). conservation, making a positive impact on the environment, doesn't have to come in the form of buying a hybrid vehicle. it's as small as recycling, using less water, less paper, running the air less. just being less wasteful. and it seems small but when you add everything up it can be a lot. it's like when you eat a bunch of small dishes and suddenly realize you're completely stuffed.
so i guess what i'm trying to (badly) weave together here is that for me, it's about impact. if i don't feel like i'm doing anything terribly worthwhile i don't feel productive. i don't necessarily feel like i'm creating anything beautiful or useful or both. there's something in me that needs to feel like i'm making a difference in the best way i know how.
and that's just me. but if you know how to produce that can't-stand-it-i'm-so-excited feeling, go fucking do it. just don't degrade it.
and keep your eyes open: thescoop08.com.
xoxo.m
ps. harry potter and the order of the phoenix starts wednesday (or midnight, tuesday night, if you're me) and i'm going to see from first to last at the knitting factory at the end of the month.
eeeee life is beautiful :-)
i am beyond excited about this. i was hoping for something a little higher than what we were discussing. but this threw me into idea mode - ideas swimming and me trying to remember all of them. then my brain fried out. i had a mimosa and some fruit. then i had to recuperate in order to put together job descriptions (they put me right to work!). it was funny, as we were talking and editors-in-chief were offering me the position, a small part of my brain was pounding and moaning in agony. what was i thinking? i had been almost relieved at the end of the school year to be done with being managing editor for speakeasy, and all the craziness and headaches that incurred. what was i thinking taking on a similar position with, arguably, more pressure?
it's because it's what i do. i'll probably end up spending every waking moment on it (story of my life) while not getting paid (story of my life, part 2). but it's what i do. it's what i needed. a jolt. i'm not happy unless i'm throwing myself into something i'm passionate about and something i believe in. while my internships are great - providing great experiences and much-needed financial help - they don't make me feel like that phone call did.
the summer has been amazing so far. a good break. some relaxing weekends. but i was starting to feel that drag. the drag of going home at the end of the day with nothing else on my mind - and yeah it's nice to have some time to get the dishes done, clean up every once in a while, spend a day at the beach, etc. but after a month of that, i'm ready for something else. the minute i got off the phone i practically screamed and i couldn't stop smiling.
this is what life is about, i think. that feeling. it can come from any number of things, i think, but for me, big chunk of it comes from throwing myself completely into a project that i truly believe in, that i'm truly passionate about, that can possibly make a difference in someone else's life too - whether it's through the reporters, the readers or both.
the impact is what counts.
because whether we are ready to admit it or not, nearly every little thing we do impacts society in one way or another. if you watched live earth this past weekend that was extremely evident (btw, i got to see the smashing pumpkins, madonna and wolfmother perform - amazing). conservation, making a positive impact on the environment, doesn't have to come in the form of buying a hybrid vehicle. it's as small as recycling, using less water, less paper, running the air less. just being less wasteful. and it seems small but when you add everything up it can be a lot. it's like when you eat a bunch of small dishes and suddenly realize you're completely stuffed.
so i guess what i'm trying to (badly) weave together here is that for me, it's about impact. if i don't feel like i'm doing anything terribly worthwhile i don't feel productive. i don't necessarily feel like i'm creating anything beautiful or useful or both. there's something in me that needs to feel like i'm making a difference in the best way i know how.
and that's just me. but if you know how to produce that can't-stand-it-i'm-so-excited feeling, go fucking do it. just don't degrade it.
and keep your eyes open: thescoop08.com.
xoxo.m
ps. harry potter and the order of the phoenix starts wednesday (or midnight, tuesday night, if you're me) and i'm going to see from first to last at the knitting factory at the end of the month.
eeeee life is beautiful :-)
Monday, June 18, 2007
.now we live in another time.
so chuck was incredible. mind-altering. and you can read all about it here --> Chuck Palahniuk Reads Latest Work, No One Faints <-- my first blog for mediabistro.com :)
i'm pumped. even though a few paragraphs got cut. it was really long. but i'm an idiot and forgot to ask if there was a word limit. anyway, i'm still stoked about the whole thing.
hopefully there will be lots more of these.
besides the palahniuk event the weekend was pretty great. wrote a bunch. saw paris j'te aime (which was FABULOUS, btw). had a cup of coffee at aroma (and chocolate of course). started reading rant in the park at union sq. it was relaxing, actually.
i am always amazed at how much free time i have when i'm done with school. even though i still work all day, i can come home and not really have that much that i have to do right then. there aren't many urgent matters outside of my regular work day. it's a nice break, really.
still, there is one thing that could make everything better.
i also talked to the parentals yesterday. wished dad a happy father's day. and it's their anniversary today, woo woo. 25 years. crazy. this reminds me, i need to get their gift printed and sent off.
we're not the most punctual family. but the trade-off is we're lowkey. so it's nice.
i really miss my family sometimes. but if i'm going to be far far away from them i might as well be in new york city.
xoxo.m
ps. much to my own happiness the novelty of arriving at grand central three days out of the week for work has not yet worn off.
i'm pumped. even though a few paragraphs got cut. it was really long. but i'm an idiot and forgot to ask if there was a word limit. anyway, i'm still stoked about the whole thing.
hopefully there will be lots more of these.
besides the palahniuk event the weekend was pretty great. wrote a bunch. saw paris j'te aime (which was FABULOUS, btw). had a cup of coffee at aroma (and chocolate of course). started reading rant in the park at union sq. it was relaxing, actually.
i am always amazed at how much free time i have when i'm done with school. even though i still work all day, i can come home and not really have that much that i have to do right then. there aren't many urgent matters outside of my regular work day. it's a nice break, really.
still, there is one thing that could make everything better.
i also talked to the parentals yesterday. wished dad a happy father's day. and it's their anniversary today, woo woo. 25 years. crazy. this reminds me, i need to get their gift printed and sent off.
we're not the most punctual family. but the trade-off is we're lowkey. so it's nice.
i really miss my family sometimes. but if i'm going to be far far away from them i might as well be in new york city.
xoxo.m
ps. much to my own happiness the novelty of arriving at grand central three days out of the week for work has not yet worn off.
Friday, June 15, 2007
.chuck palahniuk.
i am only a few hours away from seeing chuck palahniuk at the strand. i can't even contain how excited i am. not to mention i have a first edition hardcover of "fight club" that i am going to have him sign (regardless of what the uptight owners of strand have to say about getting books signed that you didn't buy in the store that day). plus i'll be getting a copy of his new book, signed. whoo whoo. i can't wait.
i'll also be having dinner with the editor of thescoop08 to talk about my involvement. i can't wait. i have been looking forward to this ever since they said they wanted to meet with me.
and tonight jess and will be going to see paris je'te aime. ahhh what a fun day.
love it. i love new york.
xoxo.m
i'll also be having dinner with the editor of thescoop08 to talk about my involvement. i can't wait. i have been looking forward to this ever since they said they wanted to meet with me.
and tonight jess and will be going to see paris je'te aime. ahhh what a fun day.
love it. i love new york.
xoxo.m
Thursday, June 14, 2007
.i've got perfect placements.
at the risk of sounding like a total nerd (which i am), i love work.
monday, tuesday and wednesday i work at food & wine magazine, where i also do some work for travel & leisure, which is also owned by american express publishing. (this is not good for my travel bug, as i spend part of the day inputing information about luxury hotels in beautiful exotic places that i want to see). the building is a few blocks from times square, an area i typically avoid because of the sheer amount of people. it's annoying. however, it hasn't been as bad as i thought it was going to be. it's actually a novelty to walk through grand central every morning. although, i'm not sure how long that is going to last, but i'm enjoying it while it does.
the office is very corporate, business dress, cubicle city, that type of thing. but everyone is really friendly and let me jump right in on work. i've already learned how to work their databases and their content management system. they use spectra, which i like so far. although it's coldfusion, so you end up having to still hardcode a few things, i actually enjoy doing that part, so it's not bad at all.
and even though the area is really crowded, there's also tons of places to eat, and the building is right by bryant park, which is really beautiful. although, i don't really have time to enjoy it, it's usually packed at lunch and i'm on the clock. i think i'm going to start bringing a book to work though, and maybe relaxing and reading in the park for a bit after i'm done.
then today i started at mediabistro.com, which was already fabulous before i got there because it's in soho, practically on the corner of broadway and broome. founder laurel touby basically rented out the top floor of this amazing building and turned it into an open office space. it's beautiful, and much more casual than food & wine.
just today i learned how to update the revolving door, reformat the "how to pitch" articles, copy edit and i'm going to be able to contribute to the toolbox. i just have to think up something interesting and relevant to write about.
i think what i'm most excited about with mediabistro.com is having the opportunity to write and edit. as much as i love working in content management systems and coding and all that tech stuff, i do it all the time, especially with speakeasy. so while it's good to keep those skills in practice, i miss the actual nuts-and-bolts journalism part. i got into journalism because i love to write. and i've been woefully out of practice. and i think the mediabistro blogs might be the perfect place to really start building a great portfolio. food & wine also mentioned the possibility of writing a few things for their newsletter, or possibly original content for the web, which would also be great. so we'll see what happens.
again, i'm up too late for my own good. i'm excited about tomorrow. it's friday, and jess and i are going to see paris je'te aime at sunshine.
beautiful.
xoxo.m
monday, tuesday and wednesday i work at food & wine magazine, where i also do some work for travel & leisure, which is also owned by american express publishing. (this is not good for my travel bug, as i spend part of the day inputing information about luxury hotels in beautiful exotic places that i want to see). the building is a few blocks from times square, an area i typically avoid because of the sheer amount of people. it's annoying. however, it hasn't been as bad as i thought it was going to be. it's actually a novelty to walk through grand central every morning. although, i'm not sure how long that is going to last, but i'm enjoying it while it does.
the office is very corporate, business dress, cubicle city, that type of thing. but everyone is really friendly and let me jump right in on work. i've already learned how to work their databases and their content management system. they use spectra, which i like so far. although it's coldfusion, so you end up having to still hardcode a few things, i actually enjoy doing that part, so it's not bad at all.
and even though the area is really crowded, there's also tons of places to eat, and the building is right by bryant park, which is really beautiful. although, i don't really have time to enjoy it, it's usually packed at lunch and i'm on the clock. i think i'm going to start bringing a book to work though, and maybe relaxing and reading in the park for a bit after i'm done.
then today i started at mediabistro.com, which was already fabulous before i got there because it's in soho, practically on the corner of broadway and broome. founder laurel touby basically rented out the top floor of this amazing building and turned it into an open office space. it's beautiful, and much more casual than food & wine.
just today i learned how to update the revolving door, reformat the "how to pitch" articles, copy edit and i'm going to be able to contribute to the toolbox. i just have to think up something interesting and relevant to write about.
i think what i'm most excited about with mediabistro.com is having the opportunity to write and edit. as much as i love working in content management systems and coding and all that tech stuff, i do it all the time, especially with speakeasy. so while it's good to keep those skills in practice, i miss the actual nuts-and-bolts journalism part. i got into journalism because i love to write. and i've been woefully out of practice. and i think the mediabistro blogs might be the perfect place to really start building a great portfolio. food & wine also mentioned the possibility of writing a few things for their newsletter, or possibly original content for the web, which would also be great. so we'll see what happens.
again, i'm up too late for my own good. i'm excited about tomorrow. it's friday, and jess and i are going to see paris je'te aime at sunshine.
beautiful.
xoxo.m
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
.from fear through the eyes of madness.
i've been in nyc for not even a week and it already feels like i never left. which is a good thing. :-)
the last week of school and my week at home were so crazy i barely had time to breathe. at times i felt like i was going crazy. there were some good things: getting a scholarship, finished an A 18-page paper for my political islam class, moved into my house for fall, had a great 1920s dance party for speakeasy, saw carrie, smo and bridget and got to hang out with my family for a few days, etc.
thennn...new york! i was such a mess the night before. i waited SO long to pack, which meant i was up packing until 1am, and i had to get up at 315am to leave for my 545am flight out of pittsburgh. that night i was sad about leaving home, still feeling stressed from the past few weeks, and stressed that i hadn't finished my packing. my rushed packing jobs are not pretty and i tend to just throw random things in that i don't need. finally i just found myself sitting on my chair looking at all my open, empty bags and crying.
i finished though and a few hours later my mom and i were on our way. we always have great conversation when we have time to ourselves. she's probably the smartest, strongest, most caring person i know. i feel like every time we talk i learn something new or gain a new perspective on things, whether i agree with her or not.
and thank god she was with me, or i probably would have had a real breakdown. when i went to check my luggage we realized that my big suitcase was 15 pounds too heavy. and we were running late. so there i am, frantically pulling jackets and jeans out of my suitcase, pulling it off and putting it back on the scale trying to get it light enough so the attendants would take it. my poor mom, she kept grabbing the clothes i was pulling out asking how she was going to carry it all.
i was getting so upset though, i felt horrible and was panicking about missing my plane. when i came back from checking my bags my mom was folding the extra clothes and she could tell i was upset and went into soothing mom mode, which she is very very good at.
still, i was having the closest thing to a panic attack that i had ever felt while i rushed through security and to my gate. thankfully the flight started boarding late, so i had a chance to sit and breathe for a few minutes.
the flight was uneventful and finally i was in nyc. jess met me at the airport to greet me and help me get my luggage back to her apartment. we even got all of them up to her fifth-floor apartment in one trip!
jess and i at this amazing mexican restaurant, festival
the next day jess, kim and i made the trip out to coney island, which was one the most amazing things i've done in a long time. we rode the big wonder wheel with the swinging carts, took pictures in an antique photo booth (which i will post later), rode the cyclone (one of the most amazing rollercoasters EVER), and hung out on the beach for a while, swam even though the water was really cold, had hot dogs (a few times) and saw the coney island sideshow - featuring a guy who pounded a nail into his nose, a woman who shot electricity from her fingers and, the coolest thing ever, a woman who breathed fire. by the end of the night we were exhausted, so we came back, watched "dracula" and fell asleep shortly after.
kim, me and jess after just arriving at coney island!
the wonder wheel
jess and i, a little excited :-p
chowing down on a coney island hot dog
the cyclone is crAzy
kim, jess and i on the beach
me on the beach after my swim (it made me very happy)
where the freaks are
i'm getting tired, so i'll write more about work and such later. i'll just say now it's going great. i can't wait to start my internship with mediabistro thursday, and i get to see chuck palahniuk this saturday! eeeeeeeee!!!
okay, enough. i need to sleep. more later.
xoxo.m
ps - if you're in nyc or near, let me know!
the last week of school and my week at home were so crazy i barely had time to breathe. at times i felt like i was going crazy. there were some good things: getting a scholarship, finished an A 18-page paper for my political islam class, moved into my house for fall, had a great 1920s dance party for speakeasy, saw carrie, smo and bridget and got to hang out with my family for a few days, etc.
thennn...new york! i was such a mess the night before. i waited SO long to pack, which meant i was up packing until 1am, and i had to get up at 315am to leave for my 545am flight out of pittsburgh. that night i was sad about leaving home, still feeling stressed from the past few weeks, and stressed that i hadn't finished my packing. my rushed packing jobs are not pretty and i tend to just throw random things in that i don't need. finally i just found myself sitting on my chair looking at all my open, empty bags and crying.
i finished though and a few hours later my mom and i were on our way. we always have great conversation when we have time to ourselves. she's probably the smartest, strongest, most caring person i know. i feel like every time we talk i learn something new or gain a new perspective on things, whether i agree with her or not.
and thank god she was with me, or i probably would have had a real breakdown. when i went to check my luggage we realized that my big suitcase was 15 pounds too heavy. and we were running late. so there i am, frantically pulling jackets and jeans out of my suitcase, pulling it off and putting it back on the scale trying to get it light enough so the attendants would take it. my poor mom, she kept grabbing the clothes i was pulling out asking how she was going to carry it all.
i was getting so upset though, i felt horrible and was panicking about missing my plane. when i came back from checking my bags my mom was folding the extra clothes and she could tell i was upset and went into soothing mom mode, which she is very very good at.
still, i was having the closest thing to a panic attack that i had ever felt while i rushed through security and to my gate. thankfully the flight started boarding late, so i had a chance to sit and breathe for a few minutes.
the flight was uneventful and finally i was in nyc. jess met me at the airport to greet me and help me get my luggage back to her apartment. we even got all of them up to her fifth-floor apartment in one trip!
jess and i at this amazing mexican restaurant, festival
the next day jess, kim and i made the trip out to coney island, which was one the most amazing things i've done in a long time. we rode the big wonder wheel with the swinging carts, took pictures in an antique photo booth (which i will post later), rode the cyclone (one of the most amazing rollercoasters EVER), and hung out on the beach for a while, swam even though the water was really cold, had hot dogs (a few times) and saw the coney island sideshow - featuring a guy who pounded a nail into his nose, a woman who shot electricity from her fingers and, the coolest thing ever, a woman who breathed fire. by the end of the night we were exhausted, so we came back, watched "dracula" and fell asleep shortly after.
kim, me and jess after just arriving at coney island!
the wonder wheel
jess and i, a little excited :-p
chowing down on a coney island hot dog
the cyclone is crAzy
kim, jess and i on the beach
me on the beach after my swim (it made me very happy)
where the freaks are
i'm getting tired, so i'll write more about work and such later. i'll just say now it's going great. i can't wait to start my internship with mediabistro thursday, and i get to see chuck palahniuk this saturday! eeeeeeeee!!!
okay, enough. i need to sleep. more later.
xoxo.m
ps - if you're in nyc or near, let me know!
Friday, May 18, 2007
.random.
keep your eye on this: TheScoop08
i applied to be a writer of sorts. of something. this is what i've been waiting to happen for the past two and a half years.
finally.
and then i realized [insert life lesson].
playing with formulas and using what's already been done as your guide, is the best path to finding your own, original voice.
i love the common language project.
between these two sites, it makes me feel like things are looking up.
xoxo.m
i applied to be a writer of sorts. of something. this is what i've been waiting to happen for the past two and a half years.
finally.
and then i realized [insert life lesson].
playing with formulas and using what's already been done as your guide, is the best path to finding your own, original voice.
i love the common language project.
between these two sites, it makes me feel like things are looking up.
xoxo.m
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