i was crying over you
i am smiling i think of you
where your garden has no walls
breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
i was crying over you
i am smiling i think of you
misty morning and water falls
breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
virtuous sensibility
escape velocity
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me
breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell
nothing
i miss you.
xoxo.m
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
.i love you even though it isn't fair.
you know you haven’t lived your life until
someone comes along and puts together the pieces for you.
you never realize that your soul is broken in two
just waiting.
patiently waiting, unknowingly searching, unwilling incomplete
and one day you get shot
and you see that wound bleeding uncontrollably
and it’s probably the worst pain you’ve ever felt in your entire life.
you’re dying.
and for the first time you realize your life is not as you thought it was.
you’re soul is not as you thought it was.
it’s not whole like you assumed it to be.
and everything you once knew is no longer true.
you’re life is no longer yours.
and whether or not it’s something that everyone feels at their death.
you know that it is the truest thing you’ve ever known.
because someone is suddenly standing there affirming it.
affirming these epiphanies that will shake your world in ways you never imagined.
someone you never saw before, you never noticed before,
you never imagined would ever be a part of your life.
they’ve put a steaming hole through your heart.
they’re forcing you to notice them.
challenging you to see them, and believe in them
and love them.
like you’ve never loved anyone before.
like you’ll never love anyone again.
when did your life become complete?
better yet, when did you become complete.
when your soul stop searching and start learning?
start loving.
start understanding.
that i won’t ever be happier than this.
than i am in this moment.
and i could meet every single being on this earth
and i could see every inch of land and nothing will ever be as beautiful
will make me smile like i do now.
maybe it had to happen this way.
maybe you had to take my life and rebuild it with you in it.
because otherwise i wouldn’t be me.
i’d still be broken.
and i wouldn’t even know it.
xoxo.m
someone comes along and puts together the pieces for you.
you never realize that your soul is broken in two
just waiting.
patiently waiting, unknowingly searching, unwilling incomplete
and one day you get shot
and you see that wound bleeding uncontrollably
and it’s probably the worst pain you’ve ever felt in your entire life.
you’re dying.
and for the first time you realize your life is not as you thought it was.
you’re soul is not as you thought it was.
it’s not whole like you assumed it to be.
and everything you once knew is no longer true.
you’re life is no longer yours.
and whether or not it’s something that everyone feels at their death.
you know that it is the truest thing you’ve ever known.
because someone is suddenly standing there affirming it.
affirming these epiphanies that will shake your world in ways you never imagined.
someone you never saw before, you never noticed before,
you never imagined would ever be a part of your life.
they’ve put a steaming hole through your heart.
they’re forcing you to notice them.
challenging you to see them, and believe in them
and love them.
like you’ve never loved anyone before.
like you’ll never love anyone again.
when did your life become complete?
better yet, when did you become complete.
when your soul stop searching and start learning?
start loving.
start understanding.
that i won’t ever be happier than this.
than i am in this moment.
and i could meet every single being on this earth
and i could see every inch of land and nothing will ever be as beautiful
will make me smile like i do now.
maybe it had to happen this way.
maybe you had to take my life and rebuild it with you in it.
because otherwise i wouldn’t be me.
i’d still be broken.
and i wouldn’t even know it.
xoxo.m
Sunday, March 11, 2007
.you know i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.
wow it's been forever since i've written anything on here. i think i just reached that eighth-week burnout and stopped caring. it's been a very stressful couple weeks, in terms of everything. i'm not always sure how i stay sane through all of it. i know i tend to put a lot on myself and take on maybe more than i can handle sometimes.
i guess my eyes are bigger than my stomach. they always have been. that's what my mom tells me anyway.
i think one thing being at school has taught me though, is how to deal with failing. okay, maybe it's not fair to call it failing. i don't necessarily consider it that. sometimes i think you can really only truly fail if you give up on something you want. there are times when you need to cut your losses and reevaluate your goals, strategies, etc. but that doesn't necessarily mean you've failed. it means you're doing what you need to do to eventually succeed.
i learned that after my freshman year. when i realized that being superwoman didn't necessarily mean having the ability to do everything. maybe it just meant being really good at the things that mattered the most. i guess it's sometimes hard to know what really matters too. you just have to trust yourself, really. which can be more difficult than you'd think.
it's kind of funny to think about evaluating the job your parents did in raising you. but i think one of the things my parents were excellent about was the balance between letting me have my independence, but not giving me too much too soon. it was a slow process. and by my senior year of high school they were starting to let me make my own decisions about things. i've always craved independence. even when i was little. the last time i was home my parents were watching home movies my grandma had brought over (this is probably only the second time they've ever watched home movies - i think with brother graduating they're getting sentimental on me - and one was from when brother was born. and my mom commented, "i forgot how independent you were, even back then." apparently i wanted to do everything myself.
i guess some things never change.
so yesterday when my computer basically stopped working on me (and this has happened several times), it killed me to have to call my parents and ask for help. i mean, i was seriously freaking out, tears and all (this computer caused me way too much stress, if you can't tell). i finally broke down and called my parents. they were talking about getting me a new computer when i graduated anyway, so i just got it a little early. i ended up running down to walm and buying a toshiba. i hate patronizing walm, but it was cheap and it runs really well. it's incredible to have a computer that runs so fast. i think with all the things that i have to use my computer for, that gateway just couldn't take it. i was hard on it, i'll admit. it's pretty ghetto looking.
anyway, so i'm settled for now and a lot calmer. i guess the point is, you can't do or deal with everything yourself, no matter how much you want to be able to. i always feel horrible calling and asking my parents for money or anything, just because they've already given me so much. they're the most selfless, generous and caring people i know. i hope i can be like that someday. and i hope someday i can give a small portion of that back to them. in some way.
my grandma always tells me i have the best parents in the world. sometimes i think she's just biased. but she's right.
so as always, this post has gone on way longer than i intended it to. and i have a horrific finals week to prepare for:
monday: graphics final
tuesday: history final, history paper due (5 pgs. - compare two or more nationalist movements in 19th/20th century middle east and analyze Daughter of Persia and Arab and Jew)
wednesday: myth & symbolism final
friday: online journalism seminar paper due (12 pgs. - network neutrality)
sometimes i don't understand professors. i met with my history professor, who i love, but i had gotten B's on the first paper and midterm and was a little concerned. so i was just asking what i could improve upon for the final paper and final. she took my paper and test and looked at my grades and goes, "you did well! these are some of the highest grades in the class."
wtf?
i guess i'm just a perfectionist. she gave me some good tips though. my goal is to get at least an A- on both my final paper and final. i guess she's just a tough grader. but honestly, that's how college classes are supposed to go. you're supposed to work your ass off for a B. sometimes i get frustrated at how easily A's are thrown out (depending on the class and how it's set up), as hard as i work to get them, sometimes it's not satisfying to get an A if everyone else does too.
you might have thought it was hard to go from a relatively easy 4.2 GPA in high school to getting B's in grammar classes. well, i am in one of the top 5 journalism schools in the country. shouldn't it be difficult? i was devastated at that first B. and worried about my parents being disappointed. so i was upset for a while. but i adjusted. i adjusted to the fact that grades aren't the almighty decider of my future, and that in the long run what i end up learning (not what a test said i learned) both in and out of the classroom, the activities i participate in, the connections i make, the ambition and drive i exude to professors and peers - all of that matters so much more than the difference between an A or a B.
or maybe i'm just good at adjusting to new environments. i'm not sure where that comes from, considering i lived in the same small town and house for 18 years. maybe i was just invigorated by the change. i think that was a lot of it.
and i'm a year away from another big change: graduation.
i'm sure i'll be more freaked out at the beginning of next year. but the idea of graduating is terribly exciting right now.
however, i have to keep perspective. i can't take my eyes off of what is happening now. and there are a lot of things happening now. right now. i don't want to miss them.
xoxo.m
---
it's simple
how you complete my core
so potent in your eyes
to move mountains
to burn skies
we've broken
our arms and throats
for our portraits
demons or not
it doesn't make a difference to me
i'm so tired of screaming
in the mecca of us
we all glow forever
glow worm [demo] - SONNY
---
i guess my eyes are bigger than my stomach. they always have been. that's what my mom tells me anyway.
i think one thing being at school has taught me though, is how to deal with failing. okay, maybe it's not fair to call it failing. i don't necessarily consider it that. sometimes i think you can really only truly fail if you give up on something you want. there are times when you need to cut your losses and reevaluate your goals, strategies, etc. but that doesn't necessarily mean you've failed. it means you're doing what you need to do to eventually succeed.
i learned that after my freshman year. when i realized that being superwoman didn't necessarily mean having the ability to do everything. maybe it just meant being really good at the things that mattered the most. i guess it's sometimes hard to know what really matters too. you just have to trust yourself, really. which can be more difficult than you'd think.
it's kind of funny to think about evaluating the job your parents did in raising you. but i think one of the things my parents were excellent about was the balance between letting me have my independence, but not giving me too much too soon. it was a slow process. and by my senior year of high school they were starting to let me make my own decisions about things. i've always craved independence. even when i was little. the last time i was home my parents were watching home movies my grandma had brought over (this is probably only the second time they've ever watched home movies - i think with brother graduating they're getting sentimental on me - and one was from when brother was born. and my mom commented, "i forgot how independent you were, even back then." apparently i wanted to do everything myself.
i guess some things never change.
so yesterday when my computer basically stopped working on me (and this has happened several times), it killed me to have to call my parents and ask for help. i mean, i was seriously freaking out, tears and all (this computer caused me way too much stress, if you can't tell). i finally broke down and called my parents. they were talking about getting me a new computer when i graduated anyway, so i just got it a little early. i ended up running down to walm and buying a toshiba. i hate patronizing walm, but it was cheap and it runs really well. it's incredible to have a computer that runs so fast. i think with all the things that i have to use my computer for, that gateway just couldn't take it. i was hard on it, i'll admit. it's pretty ghetto looking.
anyway, so i'm settled for now and a lot calmer. i guess the point is, you can't do or deal with everything yourself, no matter how much you want to be able to. i always feel horrible calling and asking my parents for money or anything, just because they've already given me so much. they're the most selfless, generous and caring people i know. i hope i can be like that someday. and i hope someday i can give a small portion of that back to them. in some way.
my grandma always tells me i have the best parents in the world. sometimes i think she's just biased. but she's right.
so as always, this post has gone on way longer than i intended it to. and i have a horrific finals week to prepare for:
monday: graphics final
tuesday: history final, history paper due (5 pgs. - compare two or more nationalist movements in 19th/20th century middle east and analyze Daughter of Persia and Arab and Jew)
wednesday: myth & symbolism final
friday: online journalism seminar paper due (12 pgs. - network neutrality)
sometimes i don't understand professors. i met with my history professor, who i love, but i had gotten B's on the first paper and midterm and was a little concerned. so i was just asking what i could improve upon for the final paper and final. she took my paper and test and looked at my grades and goes, "you did well! these are some of the highest grades in the class."
wtf?
i guess i'm just a perfectionist. she gave me some good tips though. my goal is to get at least an A- on both my final paper and final. i guess she's just a tough grader. but honestly, that's how college classes are supposed to go. you're supposed to work your ass off for a B. sometimes i get frustrated at how easily A's are thrown out (depending on the class and how it's set up), as hard as i work to get them, sometimes it's not satisfying to get an A if everyone else does too.
you might have thought it was hard to go from a relatively easy 4.2 GPA in high school to getting B's in grammar classes. well, i am in one of the top 5 journalism schools in the country. shouldn't it be difficult? i was devastated at that first B. and worried about my parents being disappointed. so i was upset for a while. but i adjusted. i adjusted to the fact that grades aren't the almighty decider of my future, and that in the long run what i end up learning (not what a test said i learned) both in and out of the classroom, the activities i participate in, the connections i make, the ambition and drive i exude to professors and peers - all of that matters so much more than the difference between an A or a B.
or maybe i'm just good at adjusting to new environments. i'm not sure where that comes from, considering i lived in the same small town and house for 18 years. maybe i was just invigorated by the change. i think that was a lot of it.
and i'm a year away from another big change: graduation.
i'm sure i'll be more freaked out at the beginning of next year. but the idea of graduating is terribly exciting right now.
however, i have to keep perspective. i can't take my eyes off of what is happening now. and there are a lot of things happening now. right now. i don't want to miss them.
xoxo.m
---
it's simple
how you complete my core
so potent in your eyes
to move mountains
to burn skies
we've broken
our arms and throats
for our portraits
demons or not
it doesn't make a difference to me
i'm so tired of screaming
in the mecca of us
we all glow forever
glow worm [demo] - SONNY
---
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