i have the song bittersweet symphony stuck in my head. the verve, what a great band. except i'm hearing the lucas rossi version in my head. shaking my head doesn't get it out.
it's raining really hard today and i am despising it.
i am also getting terribly bored with this blog. i had all these fun things i was going to do with it, and make it pretty and all that. never happened. i think i'm just going to finally put together my own portfolio site. possibly start another blog. we'll see.
this post was completely irrelevant.
xoxo.m
Monday, July 23, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
.bullet with butterfly wings.
so remember what i said about the free time thing? apparently i can't just keep things simple. yesterday i got a phone call telling me that i am now one of the two managing editors for thescoop08.com.
i am beyond excited about this. i was hoping for something a little higher than what we were discussing. but this threw me into idea mode - ideas swimming and me trying to remember all of them. then my brain fried out. i had a mimosa and some fruit. then i had to recuperate in order to put together job descriptions (they put me right to work!). it was funny, as we were talking and editors-in-chief were offering me the position, a small part of my brain was pounding and moaning in agony. what was i thinking? i had been almost relieved at the end of the school year to be done with being managing editor for speakeasy, and all the craziness and headaches that incurred. what was i thinking taking on a similar position with, arguably, more pressure?
it's because it's what i do. i'll probably end up spending every waking moment on it (story of my life) while not getting paid (story of my life, part 2). but it's what i do. it's what i needed. a jolt. i'm not happy unless i'm throwing myself into something i'm passionate about and something i believe in. while my internships are great - providing great experiences and much-needed financial help - they don't make me feel like that phone call did.
the summer has been amazing so far. a good break. some relaxing weekends. but i was starting to feel that drag. the drag of going home at the end of the day with nothing else on my mind - and yeah it's nice to have some time to get the dishes done, clean up every once in a while, spend a day at the beach, etc. but after a month of that, i'm ready for something else. the minute i got off the phone i practically screamed and i couldn't stop smiling.
this is what life is about, i think. that feeling. it can come from any number of things, i think, but for me, big chunk of it comes from throwing myself completely into a project that i truly believe in, that i'm truly passionate about, that can possibly make a difference in someone else's life too - whether it's through the reporters, the readers or both.
the impact is what counts.
because whether we are ready to admit it or not, nearly every little thing we do impacts society in one way or another. if you watched live earth this past weekend that was extremely evident (btw, i got to see the smashing pumpkins, madonna and wolfmother perform - amazing). conservation, making a positive impact on the environment, doesn't have to come in the form of buying a hybrid vehicle. it's as small as recycling, using less water, less paper, running the air less. just being less wasteful. and it seems small but when you add everything up it can be a lot. it's like when you eat a bunch of small dishes and suddenly realize you're completely stuffed.
so i guess what i'm trying to (badly) weave together here is that for me, it's about impact. if i don't feel like i'm doing anything terribly worthwhile i don't feel productive. i don't necessarily feel like i'm creating anything beautiful or useful or both. there's something in me that needs to feel like i'm making a difference in the best way i know how.
and that's just me. but if you know how to produce that can't-stand-it-i'm-so-excited feeling, go fucking do it. just don't degrade it.
and keep your eyes open: thescoop08.com.
xoxo.m
ps. harry potter and the order of the phoenix starts wednesday (or midnight, tuesday night, if you're me) and i'm going to see from first to last at the knitting factory at the end of the month.
eeeee life is beautiful :-)
i am beyond excited about this. i was hoping for something a little higher than what we were discussing. but this threw me into idea mode - ideas swimming and me trying to remember all of them. then my brain fried out. i had a mimosa and some fruit. then i had to recuperate in order to put together job descriptions (they put me right to work!). it was funny, as we were talking and editors-in-chief were offering me the position, a small part of my brain was pounding and moaning in agony. what was i thinking? i had been almost relieved at the end of the school year to be done with being managing editor for speakeasy, and all the craziness and headaches that incurred. what was i thinking taking on a similar position with, arguably, more pressure?
it's because it's what i do. i'll probably end up spending every waking moment on it (story of my life) while not getting paid (story of my life, part 2). but it's what i do. it's what i needed. a jolt. i'm not happy unless i'm throwing myself into something i'm passionate about and something i believe in. while my internships are great - providing great experiences and much-needed financial help - they don't make me feel like that phone call did.
the summer has been amazing so far. a good break. some relaxing weekends. but i was starting to feel that drag. the drag of going home at the end of the day with nothing else on my mind - and yeah it's nice to have some time to get the dishes done, clean up every once in a while, spend a day at the beach, etc. but after a month of that, i'm ready for something else. the minute i got off the phone i practically screamed and i couldn't stop smiling.
this is what life is about, i think. that feeling. it can come from any number of things, i think, but for me, big chunk of it comes from throwing myself completely into a project that i truly believe in, that i'm truly passionate about, that can possibly make a difference in someone else's life too - whether it's through the reporters, the readers or both.
the impact is what counts.
because whether we are ready to admit it or not, nearly every little thing we do impacts society in one way or another. if you watched live earth this past weekend that was extremely evident (btw, i got to see the smashing pumpkins, madonna and wolfmother perform - amazing). conservation, making a positive impact on the environment, doesn't have to come in the form of buying a hybrid vehicle. it's as small as recycling, using less water, less paper, running the air less. just being less wasteful. and it seems small but when you add everything up it can be a lot. it's like when you eat a bunch of small dishes and suddenly realize you're completely stuffed.
so i guess what i'm trying to (badly) weave together here is that for me, it's about impact. if i don't feel like i'm doing anything terribly worthwhile i don't feel productive. i don't necessarily feel like i'm creating anything beautiful or useful or both. there's something in me that needs to feel like i'm making a difference in the best way i know how.
and that's just me. but if you know how to produce that can't-stand-it-i'm-so-excited feeling, go fucking do it. just don't degrade it.
and keep your eyes open: thescoop08.com.
xoxo.m
ps. harry potter and the order of the phoenix starts wednesday (or midnight, tuesday night, if you're me) and i'm going to see from first to last at the knitting factory at the end of the month.
eeeee life is beautiful :-)
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