ugh. just ugh ugh ugh.
sometimes you're feeling okay. like you're getting by. then a moment later you're not, so much. it's not like anything really changes, except the knowledge you have. and knowledge can change your perception pretty quick.
and then it's like you can't count on anybody.
then you fail. or you're needy. or unappreciative. just one of several not-so-good feelings. and all the work you do and all the time you spend and all the accomplishments fall by the wayside.
there's some lessons i just don't need to be taught at this point. and in some cases they're completely irrelevant.
because at this moment, all i really need is a solution.
xoxo.m
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
.in the worst way.
right at this moment i am sitting on my futon with my computer. i'm staring at a blank screen because i finally figured out how to work the DVD player since they took away our cable box. then the DVD crapped out on me. go figure. and i didn't want my movie to get ruined. so i turned it off.
i probably shouldn't be watching anything anyway. i probably should be studying for my history midterm tomorrow. i can guarantee it won't be easy, and it's a significant portion of my grade. and unlike a science or math course, i really care about this one. just not right at this moment.
there's too many other matters that i find far more interesting than studying. e-mails to set up interviews for a sweet story i'm going to write and numerous other things for speakeasy. cleaning my room a bit (it's not terribly messy, but messy enough for me to want to clean it).
oh, and i want to eat. i get hungry every two hours, so i'm way past due for a snack.
sometimes i think i clog my brain up too much. i tend to think a lot. and i mean A LOT. so i revel in the moments when i really don't have to think about the big things. when i can just lay there and soak up an amazing moment. a full, single, simple moment. and when i say 'have to think' i mean there's just something in me that really enjoys it. but then i go completely overboard and completely forget about the little things. and then i start to get annoyed with the big things. then i just get annoyed with people who don't see it my way.
then i just feel annoyed with life.
i know that sounds complicated. try being inside my brain. it's rough sometimes. and sometimes it makes it hard for me to get along with other people. well, it used to. when i was younger anyway. but i think now i'm so used to people not thinking like i do that i've adapted to dealing with it. i've learned what i can reasonably expect from people. so now what makes me annoyed is when that respect isn't returned.
greed. jealousy. superiority and inferiority complexes. all harmful. but we all fall to them sometimes. we're all guilty. but it's really hard to remember we're all guilty. it's much easier to just get annoyed.
we can't escape society and sometimes we let it define us way too much. and then sometimes we try so hard to live outside societal norms that we still let it define us even when we're pretending it doesn't. there's a fine line. a line between too much repression and not enough. radicalism always seems to win out and strike a balance between two polar ends. but when do we start to come full circle? when do we fall to the things we so desperately tried to avoid? and where does that leave the rest?
sometimes it's much easier to give in. to create the "other." and i guess it's okay if there's an "other." the problem is we discriminate against the "other," and we judge the "other," and we pretend that we're just so much better.
sometimes i think that's why i tend to love comedy so much. it reminds me that sometimes i take myself way too seriously. nothing is sacred. the absurdities of everything are exposed (if the comic is intelligent, at least).
after reading hardcore zen, which EVERYONE should read, i found myself crying. okay, that's not unusual for me, i know. but i didn't really know why i was. i wasn't sad. i wasn't happy. but there i was just sitting there.
i wasn't me. i've struggled the past couple years just trying to be me. i found people who helped me do that. it wasn't easy, especially in the face of opposition from people i love and respect, but i did it. i feel more happy and more content with myself than i ever have. and that's my journey. and we all have one. we must always remember that everyone has their own journey. and none of them could be classified as "easy."
but here was me. and i realized how much we all concentrate on "me." "I." "myself." we're ALL so fucking selfish most of the time. and you know what, enough times we balance that selfishness out with other very unselfish deeds and actions. but we tend to isolate ourselves so much. i don't mean being anti-social, i mean seeing ourselves as independent of the universe. the "other." when really we're all the same. the details are just different.
but in the end we share this universe with each other. we're all so deeply connected for reasons that are both completely within the realm of understanding, and completely outside it. but we let the details get in the way. we let our fear get in the way. we group ourselves off. we create the "other." a demon that doesn't agree with us. that doesn't look like us. that doesn't act like us. and somehow we are superior. because we're prettier, smarter, cooler, etc. pick your reason.
then flip it around. because we realize this isn't exactly the best way to go about things, but we need someone to blame for it. so we blame the "other." they're wrong. they forced this on us because we don't agree with them. we're the victims. and all of sudden we're inferior.
buddhists always seem so happy to me. if you've ever seen video or pictures of the dalai lama i guarantee he's probably laughing. or at least smiling.
i can't speak for all buddhists. maybe none of them. but it seems to me that a lot of buddhists (or others that have reached this understanding, you don't have to be buddhists to understand it of course), is that they reached this understanding of oneness with everything in the universe. and since we're all one who cares if we don't look alike or think alike or act alike, because in the end we have a basic bond. a basic link.
so why the need to group each other off? why draw that velvet rope around yourself and "i am this, not this, and you are that"? what does it really matter in the end? we should be celebrating our differences. learning from them. instead it's easier to let them divide.
i keep thinking about some of the things the bands said at bamboozle last year. anthony raneri (bayside's lead singer) said something like this: "this isn't a fucking fashion show. this isn't about who has what haircut. this is life. this is real life. so treat your friends like gold." then spencer chamberlain (underoath lead singer) said: "we are Christians. we do live our lives for Jesus. but you know what, it doesn't matter what you believe."
the cheers these singers got from those lines were incredible. the pessimistic side of me says the cheers just came because people like rallying behind inspirational things, even if they don't particularly find them inspirational. the optimistic side (which usually ultimately wins out) says that struck a chord somewhere, and might pop up years from now when one of those kids is evaluating a particular situation in their lives (ie. right now).
we lose our perspective. and all of sudden we place importance on things that don't really matter in the end.
most people who know me know i love jesus humor. i apologize if any of it is ever offensive. i honestly just don't get organized religion. although, i think jesus was the man. honestly. sometims i think he might be apalled if he came back and saw how his life has been twisted around. but that's beside the point.
just because i don't understand organized religion doesn't mean i think less of those who do get it. just because i'm from a tiny town in northeastern ohio doesn't mean i want to live there my entire life.
just because i dyed my hair black. just because i enjoy roadtrips. just because i get a high from being insanely busy. just because i'd rather curl up in bed and read on a friday night than go out to a bar and get wasted. just because i don't always answer my phone. just because my favorite band is my chemical romance. just because being in and around a body of water makes me calm and have strange revelations. just because i don't think "marriage" is all that important. just because i eat really slow and in small bites. just because i don't smoke. just because i like mosh pits. just because i could mostly give a damn about celebrities. just because my parents' opinions matter to me. just because i paint my nails black. just because i collect buddhist figurines. just because i was a valedictorian. just because i don't always feel like talking. just because i cry a lot just because i don't shower every day. just because i'm not as smart as you might think i am. just because i'm more ambitious than you think i am. just because i don't fit your idea of what you think i should be.
really, none of that means anything. just look at that list - none of that aligns me with one group or one ideology over another. neither my past nor my present nor my possible future will ever match up because each moment in my life is so different. and i'd rather live each moment for myself, as one tiny part of the universe, than live it for someone or something else.
we all know what feels right for us. what makes us happy. what we'd rather not do. what we want from our lives. what we want from each moment. and the beautiful thing is it's always changing. evolving. the danger is letting someone or something else dictate what you want. and the danger is not applying this same respect to everyone else. because we all deserve a chance.
it's a fine line. a fine line that if you cross it will bring you full circle.
if you've stayed with me this far i applaud you. the understanding and organization of my mind is not an easy feat.
to boil this down to one point, it's to not lose perspective. none of us is "perfect" (whatever that even means). none of us will always understand. none of us will balance that line perfectly all the time (except maybe shannon miller).
but we need people and events and time to help us keep things in perspective. it's how we keep functioning.
last night i went out to a party (jenny's birthday party), something i haven't done in a while. but i went with andy, jules and michael. i saw a bunch of people there i've met before but haven't seen in a long time. jenny was having a blast. i wasn't particularly jazzed about going, but sometimes i realize i do need to drop things and go relax for a while.
i had a lot of fun. sometimes i feel really alone here. all those thoughts you just read feel so jumbled and i don't know how i could possibly relate to anyone well enough to have a good time. and that the only person who truly understands me is thousands of miles away. but you know, i had so much fun with people who are passionate about a lot of the same things i am. and i realize that that's what friends are. it's the same reason i became best friends with jess, why i bonded so quickly with alison, why liz and are best friends (and engaged! :-p) even after a first day that seemed like we wouldn't be friends at all, why leah and i became best friends after a chance meeting. people will surprise you. you just have to let them. you can't get so caught up in your own idea of what's best, lock yourself in that velvet rope so tight, that you don't give anyone else a chance to unravel it.
we do that way to often.
i realized i can still hurt. i can feel alone. but i don't have to wrap myself up in the process. just because someone doesn't necessarily understand everything about you, doesn't mean they can't be a good friend. doesn't mean they aren't worth your time. in fact, they may provide you with some much-needed perspective. we've all seen the dangers when we start trusting and and aligning and labeling based on superficial ideals.
and i remember why i am so against the use of stereotypes. why i am so against labels. why i am so against soceietal exclusion. why i hate judgement. i've done it and i've been a victim of it. we all have. why can't we remeber that?
and this is why i can't let that come full circle. because it's so easy to fall into the things that you so desperately tried to avoid.
xoxo.m
i probably shouldn't be watching anything anyway. i probably should be studying for my history midterm tomorrow. i can guarantee it won't be easy, and it's a significant portion of my grade. and unlike a science or math course, i really care about this one. just not right at this moment.
there's too many other matters that i find far more interesting than studying. e-mails to set up interviews for a sweet story i'm going to write and numerous other things for speakeasy. cleaning my room a bit (it's not terribly messy, but messy enough for me to want to clean it).
oh, and i want to eat. i get hungry every two hours, so i'm way past due for a snack.
sometimes i think i clog my brain up too much. i tend to think a lot. and i mean A LOT. so i revel in the moments when i really don't have to think about the big things. when i can just lay there and soak up an amazing moment. a full, single, simple moment. and when i say 'have to think' i mean there's just something in me that really enjoys it. but then i go completely overboard and completely forget about the little things. and then i start to get annoyed with the big things. then i just get annoyed with people who don't see it my way.
then i just feel annoyed with life.
i know that sounds complicated. try being inside my brain. it's rough sometimes. and sometimes it makes it hard for me to get along with other people. well, it used to. when i was younger anyway. but i think now i'm so used to people not thinking like i do that i've adapted to dealing with it. i've learned what i can reasonably expect from people. so now what makes me annoyed is when that respect isn't returned.
greed. jealousy. superiority and inferiority complexes. all harmful. but we all fall to them sometimes. we're all guilty. but it's really hard to remember we're all guilty. it's much easier to just get annoyed.
we can't escape society and sometimes we let it define us way too much. and then sometimes we try so hard to live outside societal norms that we still let it define us even when we're pretending it doesn't. there's a fine line. a line between too much repression and not enough. radicalism always seems to win out and strike a balance between two polar ends. but when do we start to come full circle? when do we fall to the things we so desperately tried to avoid? and where does that leave the rest?
sometimes it's much easier to give in. to create the "other." and i guess it's okay if there's an "other." the problem is we discriminate against the "other," and we judge the "other," and we pretend that we're just so much better.
sometimes i think that's why i tend to love comedy so much. it reminds me that sometimes i take myself way too seriously. nothing is sacred. the absurdities of everything are exposed (if the comic is intelligent, at least).
after reading hardcore zen, which EVERYONE should read, i found myself crying. okay, that's not unusual for me, i know. but i didn't really know why i was. i wasn't sad. i wasn't happy. but there i was just sitting there.
i wasn't me. i've struggled the past couple years just trying to be me. i found people who helped me do that. it wasn't easy, especially in the face of opposition from people i love and respect, but i did it. i feel more happy and more content with myself than i ever have. and that's my journey. and we all have one. we must always remember that everyone has their own journey. and none of them could be classified as "easy."
but here was me. and i realized how much we all concentrate on "me." "I." "myself." we're ALL so fucking selfish most of the time. and you know what, enough times we balance that selfishness out with other very unselfish deeds and actions. but we tend to isolate ourselves so much. i don't mean being anti-social, i mean seeing ourselves as independent of the universe. the "other." when really we're all the same. the details are just different.
but in the end we share this universe with each other. we're all so deeply connected for reasons that are both completely within the realm of understanding, and completely outside it. but we let the details get in the way. we let our fear get in the way. we group ourselves off. we create the "other." a demon that doesn't agree with us. that doesn't look like us. that doesn't act like us. and somehow we are superior. because we're prettier, smarter, cooler, etc. pick your reason.
then flip it around. because we realize this isn't exactly the best way to go about things, but we need someone to blame for it. so we blame the "other." they're wrong. they forced this on us because we don't agree with them. we're the victims. and all of sudden we're inferior.
buddhists always seem so happy to me. if you've ever seen video or pictures of the dalai lama i guarantee he's probably laughing. or at least smiling.
i can't speak for all buddhists. maybe none of them. but it seems to me that a lot of buddhists (or others that have reached this understanding, you don't have to be buddhists to understand it of course), is that they reached this understanding of oneness with everything in the universe. and since we're all one who cares if we don't look alike or think alike or act alike, because in the end we have a basic bond. a basic link.
so why the need to group each other off? why draw that velvet rope around yourself and "i am this, not this, and you are that"? what does it really matter in the end? we should be celebrating our differences. learning from them. instead it's easier to let them divide.
i keep thinking about some of the things the bands said at bamboozle last year. anthony raneri (bayside's lead singer) said something like this: "this isn't a fucking fashion show. this isn't about who has what haircut. this is life. this is real life. so treat your friends like gold." then spencer chamberlain (underoath lead singer) said: "we are Christians. we do live our lives for Jesus. but you know what, it doesn't matter what you believe."
the cheers these singers got from those lines were incredible. the pessimistic side of me says the cheers just came because people like rallying behind inspirational things, even if they don't particularly find them inspirational. the optimistic side (which usually ultimately wins out) says that struck a chord somewhere, and might pop up years from now when one of those kids is evaluating a particular situation in their lives (ie. right now).
we lose our perspective. and all of sudden we place importance on things that don't really matter in the end.
most people who know me know i love jesus humor. i apologize if any of it is ever offensive. i honestly just don't get organized religion. although, i think jesus was the man. honestly. sometims i think he might be apalled if he came back and saw how his life has been twisted around. but that's beside the point.
just because i don't understand organized religion doesn't mean i think less of those who do get it. just because i'm from a tiny town in northeastern ohio doesn't mean i want to live there my entire life.
just because i dyed my hair black. just because i enjoy roadtrips. just because i get a high from being insanely busy. just because i'd rather curl up in bed and read on a friday night than go out to a bar and get wasted. just because i don't always answer my phone. just because my favorite band is my chemical romance. just because being in and around a body of water makes me calm and have strange revelations. just because i don't think "marriage" is all that important. just because i eat really slow and in small bites. just because i don't smoke. just because i like mosh pits. just because i could mostly give a damn about celebrities. just because my parents' opinions matter to me. just because i paint my nails black. just because i collect buddhist figurines. just because i was a valedictorian. just because i don't always feel like talking. just because i cry a lot just because i don't shower every day. just because i'm not as smart as you might think i am. just because i'm more ambitious than you think i am. just because i don't fit your idea of what you think i should be.
really, none of that means anything. just look at that list - none of that aligns me with one group or one ideology over another. neither my past nor my present nor my possible future will ever match up because each moment in my life is so different. and i'd rather live each moment for myself, as one tiny part of the universe, than live it for someone or something else.
we all know what feels right for us. what makes us happy. what we'd rather not do. what we want from our lives. what we want from each moment. and the beautiful thing is it's always changing. evolving. the danger is letting someone or something else dictate what you want. and the danger is not applying this same respect to everyone else. because we all deserve a chance.
it's a fine line. a fine line that if you cross it will bring you full circle.
if you've stayed with me this far i applaud you. the understanding and organization of my mind is not an easy feat.
to boil this down to one point, it's to not lose perspective. none of us is "perfect" (whatever that even means). none of us will always understand. none of us will balance that line perfectly all the time (except maybe shannon miller).
but we need people and events and time to help us keep things in perspective. it's how we keep functioning.
last night i went out to a party (jenny's birthday party), something i haven't done in a while. but i went with andy, jules and michael. i saw a bunch of people there i've met before but haven't seen in a long time. jenny was having a blast. i wasn't particularly jazzed about going, but sometimes i realize i do need to drop things and go relax for a while.
i had a lot of fun. sometimes i feel really alone here. all those thoughts you just read feel so jumbled and i don't know how i could possibly relate to anyone well enough to have a good time. and that the only person who truly understands me is thousands of miles away. but you know, i had so much fun with people who are passionate about a lot of the same things i am. and i realize that that's what friends are. it's the same reason i became best friends with jess, why i bonded so quickly with alison, why liz and are best friends (and engaged! :-p) even after a first day that seemed like we wouldn't be friends at all, why leah and i became best friends after a chance meeting. people will surprise you. you just have to let them. you can't get so caught up in your own idea of what's best, lock yourself in that velvet rope so tight, that you don't give anyone else a chance to unravel it.
we do that way to often.
i realized i can still hurt. i can feel alone. but i don't have to wrap myself up in the process. just because someone doesn't necessarily understand everything about you, doesn't mean they can't be a good friend. doesn't mean they aren't worth your time. in fact, they may provide you with some much-needed perspective. we've all seen the dangers when we start trusting and and aligning and labeling based on superficial ideals.
and i remember why i am so against the use of stereotypes. why i am so against labels. why i am so against soceietal exclusion. why i hate judgement. i've done it and i've been a victim of it. we all have. why can't we remeber that?
and this is why i can't let that come full circle. because it's so easy to fall into the things that you so desperately tried to avoid.
xoxo.m
Friday, January 26, 2007
.you vandal.
thank you [saves the day]
last night i dreamt you called from costa rica
the place you've been for the last two weeks
you said, "i miss you, oh sweet boy, and will you come on down?"
i woke up to my cold sheets and the smell of new jersey
when do i get to wake up to you?
today i can't forget that i've got these open wounds
it's such a drag
i can't forget you've gone
my ribs have parted ways
they said, "we're not going to protect this heart you have"
oh no, what can i do?
my lungs are breathing open air
and my spleen is dripping from my pants
you've left me here in the cold
and i miss you
you never told me it would be this hard
i think my body's saying so
when you're not here, it's leaving me
but i hope that you're okay
even though i'm dying
i hope that you're still trying to have a killer time
go see the volcanoes
go see the rainforests
i'll be fine by myself
i'll be fine without these bones
xoxo.m
last night i dreamt you called from costa rica
the place you've been for the last two weeks
you said, "i miss you, oh sweet boy, and will you come on down?"
i woke up to my cold sheets and the smell of new jersey
when do i get to wake up to you?
today i can't forget that i've got these open wounds
it's such a drag
i can't forget you've gone
my ribs have parted ways
they said, "we're not going to protect this heart you have"
oh no, what can i do?
my lungs are breathing open air
and my spleen is dripping from my pants
you've left me here in the cold
and i miss you
you never told me it would be this hard
i think my body's saying so
when you're not here, it's leaving me
but i hope that you're okay
even though i'm dying
i hope that you're still trying to have a killer time
go see the volcanoes
go see the rainforests
i'll be fine by myself
i'll be fine without these bones
xoxo.m
Thursday, January 25, 2007
.a piece of glass puncture in my heart.
i apologize ahead of time for the pure randomness of this post. i don't really have anything important or insightful to say. i just feel like typing something.
first, my peeve, it's WAY too cold out right now. i want to leave ohio simply because the weather is constantly putting me out of wack. severe weather changes make me feel sick. never sick enough to skip class, but sick enough that i don't feel like doing anything.
bleh.
and i'm already stressing about this quarter. not a bad stressing, but there's just lots to do. i probably have at least two meetings every night on a normal day. sometimes three to four if i'm lucky. the amount of reading i have to do is insane and midterms are creeping up fast. i already have one midterm this monday, and a 40-some minute presentation to do wednesday, which i need 20 sources for. and trust me, finding 20 sources for online journalism topics is not that easy. i guess it's good though because not many books have been written, so i don't have to go searching through insanely large books.
not to mention my political junkieness is coming out. as much as i hate television news, i find myself turning on msnbc and cnn every day, i check the washingtonpost.com ALL the time, the newyorktimes.com sometimes, and a host of blog sites including drudgereport.com, huffintonpost.com and dailykos.com.
and jon stewart is one of my favorite people ever. pretty much.
although, you have to watch these series of videos of stephen colbert. okay, so i used to hate him. i thought he was horrible, offensive, rude, obnoxious and didn't understand what the hell he was trying to accomplish. then i started reading about him. and once i found out exactly what he was doing (basically playing a character, bill o'reilly to be exact) i started to have a lot more appreciation for him. even more so after i watched his infamous speech at the correspondent's dinner last year.
for those of you who don't know, the correspondent's dinner is a dinner held in washington for all the beltway reporters. everyone who's anyone in d.c. attends. thousands of people in fact. now, ever since i found out about this tradition i've been disgusted by it. it makes me sick, actually. but that's besides my point right now.
anyway, at this dinner, they always have someone give a speech, that's usually sarcastic, pokes fun at the press, but generally is lighthearted and fun.
well, whoever decided that stephen colbert fits this profile or thought he'd ease up a little needs a serious headcheck.
i, however, thought the speech was brilliant. he's never drops his character and holds nothing back. nothing. the funniest thing is how uneasy he made the room, and the expressions on some people's faces - ranging from disgust, to polite smiles, to wanting to laugh but not being sure if they could, to cracking up.
and i hope that the government and the press sitting in that room took something from it, especially knowing how popular his show and the daily show are (now they just need to get stewart up there).
watch. and enjoy.
part 1
part 2
part 3
(youtube is fabulous, btw.)
and if you want to know why i love jon stewart so much, it's not just because he's funny as hell. but two main reasons. his book - america: the book, a citizen's guide to democracy inaction and this appearance on the now defunct show, crossfire on cnn:
it's a shame, that when all stewart wanted to do was have a serious conversation about the state of the media in the U.S. (which is sad, indeed) all the insufferable Tucker (who now has his own show on msnbc, go figure) could do, after he realized how absurd it was to compare crossfire to the daily show, is complain about how stewart is boring, instead of actively participating in the conversation.
how is this person even on air? it's disgusting.
anyway, hope you enjoyed those clips. go onto youtube and look for more, there's a bunch from both the daily show and the colbert report that are just priceless.
jon stewart for president.
xoxo.m
first, my peeve, it's WAY too cold out right now. i want to leave ohio simply because the weather is constantly putting me out of wack. severe weather changes make me feel sick. never sick enough to skip class, but sick enough that i don't feel like doing anything.
bleh.
and i'm already stressing about this quarter. not a bad stressing, but there's just lots to do. i probably have at least two meetings every night on a normal day. sometimes three to four if i'm lucky. the amount of reading i have to do is insane and midterms are creeping up fast. i already have one midterm this monday, and a 40-some minute presentation to do wednesday, which i need 20 sources for. and trust me, finding 20 sources for online journalism topics is not that easy. i guess it's good though because not many books have been written, so i don't have to go searching through insanely large books.
not to mention my political junkieness is coming out. as much as i hate television news, i find myself turning on msnbc and cnn every day, i check the washingtonpost.com ALL the time, the newyorktimes.com sometimes, and a host of blog sites including drudgereport.com, huffintonpost.com and dailykos.com.
and jon stewart is one of my favorite people ever. pretty much.
although, you have to watch these series of videos of stephen colbert. okay, so i used to hate him. i thought he was horrible, offensive, rude, obnoxious and didn't understand what the hell he was trying to accomplish. then i started reading about him. and once i found out exactly what he was doing (basically playing a character, bill o'reilly to be exact) i started to have a lot more appreciation for him. even more so after i watched his infamous speech at the correspondent's dinner last year.
for those of you who don't know, the correspondent's dinner is a dinner held in washington for all the beltway reporters. everyone who's anyone in d.c. attends. thousands of people in fact. now, ever since i found out about this tradition i've been disgusted by it. it makes me sick, actually. but that's besides my point right now.
anyway, at this dinner, they always have someone give a speech, that's usually sarcastic, pokes fun at the press, but generally is lighthearted and fun.
well, whoever decided that stephen colbert fits this profile or thought he'd ease up a little needs a serious headcheck.
i, however, thought the speech was brilliant. he's never drops his character and holds nothing back. nothing. the funniest thing is how uneasy he made the room, and the expressions on some people's faces - ranging from disgust, to polite smiles, to wanting to laugh but not being sure if they could, to cracking up.
and i hope that the government and the press sitting in that room took something from it, especially knowing how popular his show and the daily show are (now they just need to get stewart up there).
watch. and enjoy.
part 1
part 2
part 3
(youtube is fabulous, btw.)
and if you want to know why i love jon stewart so much, it's not just because he's funny as hell. but two main reasons. his book - america: the book, a citizen's guide to democracy inaction and this appearance on the now defunct show, crossfire on cnn:
it's a shame, that when all stewart wanted to do was have a serious conversation about the state of the media in the U.S. (which is sad, indeed) all the insufferable Tucker (who now has his own show on msnbc, go figure) could do, after he realized how absurd it was to compare crossfire to the daily show, is complain about how stewart is boring, instead of actively participating in the conversation.
how is this person even on air? it's disgusting.
anyway, hope you enjoyed those clips. go onto youtube and look for more, there's a bunch from both the daily show and the colbert report that are just priceless.
jon stewart for president.
xoxo.m
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
.you make me feel like i am whole again.
i think one of the greatest love songs ever is love song (by the Cure, duh, even though there are some pretty sweet covers, including one by Anberlin). it's simple, but how it's put together is so beautiful i could cry every time i hear it. maybe it's because some of the lyrics have particular resonance for me, who knows, but every time it comes on i stop in my tracks.
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like am home again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am whole again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am young again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am fun again
however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am free again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am clean again
however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you
sometimes it seems, no matter how complicated love is, or how complicated being in love is, how complicated a relationship is or feelings and emotions are, how complicated not understanding can be - saying "i love you" isn't complicated at all.
what it means could be complicated. but saying it isn't, once you finally realize that you actually mean it, and that you mean it more than you've ever meant it in your entire life.
you just know.
xoxo.m
ps. i'm not usually a 'mushy' person. really.
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like am home again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am whole again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am young again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am fun again
however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am free again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am clean again
however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you
sometimes it seems, no matter how complicated love is, or how complicated being in love is, how complicated a relationship is or feelings and emotions are, how complicated not understanding can be - saying "i love you" isn't complicated at all.
what it means could be complicated. but saying it isn't, once you finally realize that you actually mean it, and that you mean it more than you've ever meant it in your entire life.
you just know.
xoxo.m
ps. i'm not usually a 'mushy' person. really.
Monday, January 22, 2007
.and i will be able to sleep at night.
this weekend, as alison just wrote in her blog, procrastination started setting in waaayy early. it's not that i wasn't working on things, i was just working on the wrong things. not even the wrong things, but too much on one thing (speakeasy) and not enough on the others (reading for classes).
oh well. it happens. i just have a paper due in history, talking about the different responses to european influence in the middle east in the nineteenth century. no big.
the past fews days had not been so good. i think i've just been feeling really lonely, for one reason or another. it's not like people aren't around, but honestly i was starting to get be afraid to lay down in my bed at night because i knew i was alone. it sounds absurd and i hate admitting it, but it's true. it made for some tough nights.
saturday night was better. even though i didn't get to go to dance or die, leah and i braved the weather in our sweatpants, pea coats and hats to buy some cake mix to make brownies. they were yum, and we almost have them finished. hehe.
today (LIZZLE'S BIRTHDAY!!!) liz and i went and saw jesus camp. it was seriously one of the most disturbing things i've seen in a long time. you just have to see it for yourself. some of the highlights:
- a kid talking about how he was saved at the age of 5 (who needs saved at the age of 5???)
- a mother talking about how the public schools are crap and brainwashing her children (and what does she think she's doing?)
- the woman who runs the camp instructing 8-year-olds to speak in tongues (and they DO!) and chanting about how they're ready for war
- that same woman talking about how american christians are "behind" the Muslims because Muslim children are prepared to die for their god (seriously, because handing a rifle to a 5-year-old is such a great idea), and she wants to see christian children with that kind of discipline because apparently they have the "truth"
- and her talking about how chilren are "usable in christianity"
- a family saying a pledge of allegiance to the christian flag
- two little kids talking about themselves as "warriors"
- ted haggard being cheeky to the camera (this was before he was found to have been sneaking off using drugs with a gay hooker - typical)
- not to mention the complete irony of a camp called "kids on fire" being held at a place called Devil's Lake
overall it was a fabulous film that portrayed all the events and subjects in a real light, and also balanced it out a little by showing segments with a christian host on air america (a decidedly liberal radio program) who reputes these things as a christian.
well, i have plenty more to talk about, especially a book i just finished reading, that i think everyone should read. but i'll save it for another time. it's getting late and i have class at 9 a.m.
bleh.
xoxo.m
oh well. it happens. i just have a paper due in history, talking about the different responses to european influence in the middle east in the nineteenth century. no big.
the past fews days had not been so good. i think i've just been feeling really lonely, for one reason or another. it's not like people aren't around, but honestly i was starting to get be afraid to lay down in my bed at night because i knew i was alone. it sounds absurd and i hate admitting it, but it's true. it made for some tough nights.
saturday night was better. even though i didn't get to go to dance or die, leah and i braved the weather in our sweatpants, pea coats and hats to buy some cake mix to make brownies. they were yum, and we almost have them finished. hehe.
today (LIZZLE'S BIRTHDAY!!!) liz and i went and saw jesus camp. it was seriously one of the most disturbing things i've seen in a long time. you just have to see it for yourself. some of the highlights:
- a kid talking about how he was saved at the age of 5 (who needs saved at the age of 5???)
- a mother talking about how the public schools are crap and brainwashing her children (and what does she think she's doing?)
- the woman who runs the camp instructing 8-year-olds to speak in tongues (and they DO!) and chanting about how they're ready for war
- that same woman talking about how american christians are "behind" the Muslims because Muslim children are prepared to die for their god (seriously, because handing a rifle to a 5-year-old is such a great idea), and she wants to see christian children with that kind of discipline because apparently they have the "truth"
- and her talking about how chilren are "usable in christianity"
- a family saying a pledge of allegiance to the christian flag
- two little kids talking about themselves as "warriors"
- ted haggard being cheeky to the camera (this was before he was found to have been sneaking off using drugs with a gay hooker - typical)
- not to mention the complete irony of a camp called "kids on fire" being held at a place called Devil's Lake
overall it was a fabulous film that portrayed all the events and subjects in a real light, and also balanced it out a little by showing segments with a christian host on air america (a decidedly liberal radio program) who reputes these things as a christian.
well, i have plenty more to talk about, especially a book i just finished reading, that i think everyone should read. but i'll save it for another time. it's getting late and i have class at 9 a.m.
bleh.
xoxo.m
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
.this building's tall.
well, i predicted it. happy to crappy in a day. doesn't that just figure. i guess the higher you are the harder you fall. it's like being on autopilot. or maybe something's programmed in the universe.
and i can just hope that everything's okay. and hope that that hope doesn't send me crashing again.
sometimes i wish there was someone else who even had an inkling of how hard this is. and most of the time i'm glad no one else does. not that i'm trying to be selfish (okay, i guess i can be a little selfish with him, so sue me), but i like that no one else gets us.
and that also means we're both still alone. and i have to let myself feel that. or i'll go crazy.
xoxo.m
and i can just hope that everything's okay. and hope that that hope doesn't send me crashing again.
sometimes i wish there was someone else who even had an inkling of how hard this is. and most of the time i'm glad no one else does. not that i'm trying to be selfish (okay, i guess i can be a little selfish with him, so sue me), but i like that no one else gets us.
and that also means we're both still alone. and i have to let myself feel that. or i'll go crazy.
xoxo.m
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
.note to self.
i'm so freakin' busy and i l-0-v-e it. i shouldn't even be taking the time to write this blog. but i'm thriving at the moment. whatever that really means. i'm not sure.
no i'm not drunk, high or in any other altered state. i'm really just happy. because i'm crazy. and i'm busy. and pretty much everything seems to be going right. even if my life is just a blur of class, work, meetings and fiddling around on the computer.
classes are amazing.
speakeasy is fabulous, and about to get even more fabulous. our staff is super excellent and i love how excited everyone gets. i feel like i'm watching my baby grow up. awww *tear*
work rocks.
my friends are super amazing.
i have concerts to look forward to - AFI and my chemical romance for sure. plus, hopefully taste of chaos and anti-flag.
i get to dance this weekend.
i'm running out of food but i don't much care. i don't know why that's on this list, but it's probably not good. oh well, i still have my iced tea, and that's really all that matters in life.
i'm somehow finding time to read a book for fun (don't ask how because i'm still not quite sure how that's happening). it's called hardcore zen, by brad warner, and everyone and their mother should read it. seriously.
i have an ipod and i can actually listen to music when i'm walking and somewhat forget how freakin' cold it is.
it's actually cold. for once. thank god, because it was creepily warm for awhile.
plus, there's this boy. and no matter what stupid little things go wrong, i'm completely crazy in love with him. and through all the craziness in my days he's always on my mind. and even though i miss him terribly, it makes me happier than anyone can even imagine.
there's really no reason for this post other than to say i'm extremely happy. even i post something tomorrow about how crappy i feel or how i don't have any time to breathe, it's just that moment. overall, none of that matters, because there's many other things to be happy about.
hope everyone enjoyed their weekends. i'm off to read.
xoxo.m
no i'm not drunk, high or in any other altered state. i'm really just happy. because i'm crazy. and i'm busy. and pretty much everything seems to be going right. even if my life is just a blur of class, work, meetings and fiddling around on the computer.
classes are amazing.
speakeasy is fabulous, and about to get even more fabulous. our staff is super excellent and i love how excited everyone gets. i feel like i'm watching my baby grow up. awww *tear*
work rocks.
my friends are super amazing.
i have concerts to look forward to - AFI and my chemical romance for sure. plus, hopefully taste of chaos and anti-flag.
i get to dance this weekend.
i'm running out of food but i don't much care. i don't know why that's on this list, but it's probably not good. oh well, i still have my iced tea, and that's really all that matters in life.
i'm somehow finding time to read a book for fun (don't ask how because i'm still not quite sure how that's happening). it's called hardcore zen, by brad warner, and everyone and their mother should read it. seriously.
i have an ipod and i can actually listen to music when i'm walking and somewhat forget how freakin' cold it is.
it's actually cold. for once. thank god, because it was creepily warm for awhile.
plus, there's this boy. and no matter what stupid little things go wrong, i'm completely crazy in love with him. and through all the craziness in my days he's always on my mind. and even though i miss him terribly, it makes me happier than anyone can even imagine.
there's really no reason for this post other than to say i'm extremely happy. even i post something tomorrow about how crappy i feel or how i don't have any time to breathe, it's just that moment. overall, none of that matters, because there's many other things to be happy about.
hope everyone enjoyed their weekends. i'm off to read.
xoxo.m
Sunday, January 14, 2007
.the night will go as follows.
i don't like nights like this. laying in bed with the covers pulled tight just willing myself to sleep. because there wasn't enough time. because for any type of communication we have to rely on a machine, that too many times isn't reliable at all.
i can't sleep without you.
and more than ever i need to. just to get my mind off the fact that the sheets directly behind me aren't imprinted with you. that the sole source of warmth comes only from my hands, my legs rubbing against each other, and the three layers of sheets and blankets i've tucked around myself.
the dreams that will come will save me from these moments, but when i need them, they seem to come slower than ever.
i know that one day all of these nights will be worth it. but i can't use that as comfort, because it's not real. i can't countdown to something that isn't real. i just need to make this moment better. and the everlasting problem is i don't know how. it's just this cycle of irrational fears and thoughts. they're uncharactaristic for me, but maybe that's just because i've never had anything in my life that means so much to me. that i wanted more than anything to preserve, and more than anything to make real.
if you only knew what you mean to me. my words always seem to fail in my attempt to make you know the extent.
i guess i just have to take comfort in the fact that the pain is there for a reason. pain is always there to tell us something. whether it's to take your hand off the boiling pot, or just to keep holding on because it's worth it.
the fact that you can cause me pain from thousands of miles away means something. and it can only mean one thing. and i'll never let that go.
but it'd just be easier if i could avoid nights like this. or at least be ready for them.
xoxo.m
i can't sleep without you.
and more than ever i need to. just to get my mind off the fact that the sheets directly behind me aren't imprinted with you. that the sole source of warmth comes only from my hands, my legs rubbing against each other, and the three layers of sheets and blankets i've tucked around myself.
the dreams that will come will save me from these moments, but when i need them, they seem to come slower than ever.
i know that one day all of these nights will be worth it. but i can't use that as comfort, because it's not real. i can't countdown to something that isn't real. i just need to make this moment better. and the everlasting problem is i don't know how. it's just this cycle of irrational fears and thoughts. they're uncharactaristic for me, but maybe that's just because i've never had anything in my life that means so much to me. that i wanted more than anything to preserve, and more than anything to make real.
if you only knew what you mean to me. my words always seem to fail in my attempt to make you know the extent.
i guess i just have to take comfort in the fact that the pain is there for a reason. pain is always there to tell us something. whether it's to take your hand off the boiling pot, or just to keep holding on because it's worth it.
the fact that you can cause me pain from thousands of miles away means something. and it can only mean one thing. and i'll never let that go.
but it'd just be easier if i could avoid nights like this. or at least be ready for them.
xoxo.m
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
.life feels like a kiss on the mouth.
since i'm back in school i can't promise that i'll keep this blog regularly updated, but i'll try my best. you know, as much as i say i've grown/am quickly growing out of athens. i know i'll miss it when i'm gone. it really is a unique place. it has tons of character. sometimes it reminds me of a small slice of new york city (minus the really tall buildings.)
i'm going to enjoy the time that is left here. which is not much at all.
this quarter's going to be crazy, of course. but i like it that way. i'm working really hard on not procrastinating and keeping up with things a little better so i don't feel so burnt out by the end.
- Online Journalism Seminar
- Graphics of Communication
- Middle East History 1800-present
- Myth & Symbolism
i absolutely love all my classes thus far, with the exception of graphics. at least leah and i have that class together, so we can sit towards the back and write notes to each other about how pittman reminds us of george bush (and therefore makes us want to kick his face in), how he doesn't know what he's saying and half the time seems like he's just pulling stuff out of his ass, and silently (and sometimes not so silently) chuckling at how all the freshman and sophomores in the room are writing down his every word.
okay, that seems really mean of us, i know. but the george bush thing, we just can't help. he really doesn't know what he's talking about - seriously, once you pretend like you know the complete history of Speakeasy, how it started as a print publication then switched to the internet because it was too expensive* - your credibility, especially with me, declines fast. and don't get me wrong, both leah and i are neurotic about note-taking, so we're not making fun of the studiousness (in fact, it's a very good thing) but of what they are writing. i feel bad. i feel like i should stand up in class and say, "listen to what he's saying, but don't put that much stock or effort into it, please."
so besides graphics, everything's great. the seminar class is mostly talking. and i'm friends with like, half the people in there, so it's cool. the only thing that will suck is the 12-page term paper. but that's weeks away! then there's mid-east history, and despite liz's warnings about the professor, i'm braving it anyway. the topic's so interesting. i love learning about that region because it's something most people know nothing about. plus it provided me with an idea for a story/experiment, which excites me.
then there's myth & symbolism. well, what can you say about that besides it's just fucking cool. i've been eyeing this class since fall quarter freshman year. at the time i balked at that it was a 400-level class and that you had to have three religion classes under your belt before you could take it. but here i am. and not only that, i'm taking it with one of my favorite professors. ever. not to mention i have a teacher-crush on him. now, if you know me, i'm not one to have teacher-crushes. but leave it to me to have a teacher-crush on a skinny, nerdy religion professor. i think i'm going to start recording his lectures as well. he says so many things that are just priceless that i always want to remember and never do.
"sippy cups are the sign of the infantilization of all of us. i firmly believe that. i hate sippy cups."
-- alex keefe
don't tell me you wouldn't be riveted by someone who threw out a line like that during a lecture.
aaaaanyway. i guess i'll be done rambling for now. the one really bad thing about having a history and a religion class in one quarter is the ridiculous amount of reading that comes with it.
make sure you check out speakeasy. and keep your eye on it, there's some exciting things that are going to be happening real soon ;)
and if you get a chance, listen to "kiss on the mouth" by our lady peace and "we are always searching" by i am ghost.
i'm obsessing.
ps. i can't wait for debbie does disco this thursday. with my fiance/dancing partner. rock it.
xoxo.m
*in case you didn't pick up on the sarcasm, Speakeasy never was a print publication, and for that matter was never even concieved as one
i'm going to enjoy the time that is left here. which is not much at all.
this quarter's going to be crazy, of course. but i like it that way. i'm working really hard on not procrastinating and keeping up with things a little better so i don't feel so burnt out by the end.
- Online Journalism Seminar
- Graphics of Communication
- Middle East History 1800-present
- Myth & Symbolism
i absolutely love all my classes thus far, with the exception of graphics. at least leah and i have that class together, so we can sit towards the back and write notes to each other about how pittman reminds us of george bush (and therefore makes us want to kick his face in), how he doesn't know what he's saying and half the time seems like he's just pulling stuff out of his ass, and silently (and sometimes not so silently) chuckling at how all the freshman and sophomores in the room are writing down his every word.
okay, that seems really mean of us, i know. but the george bush thing, we just can't help. he really doesn't know what he's talking about - seriously, once you pretend like you know the complete history of Speakeasy, how it started as a print publication then switched to the internet because it was too expensive* - your credibility, especially with me, declines fast. and don't get me wrong, both leah and i are neurotic about note-taking, so we're not making fun of the studiousness (in fact, it's a very good thing) but of what they are writing. i feel bad. i feel like i should stand up in class and say, "listen to what he's saying, but don't put that much stock or effort into it, please."
so besides graphics, everything's great. the seminar class is mostly talking. and i'm friends with like, half the people in there, so it's cool. the only thing that will suck is the 12-page term paper. but that's weeks away! then there's mid-east history, and despite liz's warnings about the professor, i'm braving it anyway. the topic's so interesting. i love learning about that region because it's something most people know nothing about. plus it provided me with an idea for a story/experiment, which excites me.
then there's myth & symbolism. well, what can you say about that besides it's just fucking cool. i've been eyeing this class since fall quarter freshman year. at the time i balked at that it was a 400-level class and that you had to have three religion classes under your belt before you could take it. but here i am. and not only that, i'm taking it with one of my favorite professors. ever. not to mention i have a teacher-crush on him. now, if you know me, i'm not one to have teacher-crushes. but leave it to me to have a teacher-crush on a skinny, nerdy religion professor. i think i'm going to start recording his lectures as well. he says so many things that are just priceless that i always want to remember and never do.
"sippy cups are the sign of the infantilization of all of us. i firmly believe that. i hate sippy cups."
-- alex keefe
don't tell me you wouldn't be riveted by someone who threw out a line like that during a lecture.
aaaaanyway. i guess i'll be done rambling for now. the one really bad thing about having a history and a religion class in one quarter is the ridiculous amount of reading that comes with it.
make sure you check out speakeasy. and keep your eye on it, there's some exciting things that are going to be happening real soon ;)
and if you get a chance, listen to "kiss on the mouth" by our lady peace and "we are always searching" by i am ghost.
i'm obsessing.
ps. i can't wait for debbie does disco this thursday. with my fiance/dancing partner. rock it.
xoxo.m
*in case you didn't pick up on the sarcasm, Speakeasy never was a print publication, and for that matter was never even concieved as one
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Friday, January 05, 2007
.when we become one.
i love music.
what an understatement.
so last night before i crashed, i did something i haven't done in a long time. when i lived at home i couldn't fall asleep unless i had music playing. when i came to OU i used to have to wear my headphones to fall asleep, as to not to disturb liz. i'm sure she would've been fine with me playing music had i asked, but i didn't know her that well at the time and didn't want to be difficult.
so after about a quarter i stopped needing the music to go to sleep. except every once in a while when i was homesick or having a rough time, but for the most part, i got over it.
even now that i finally have my own room again, i'm still out of the habit. until last night. right before i crashed i decided i needed to have the music on. my computer's been working a little better and my parents had just got me new speakers for christmas.
i was a little upset and said what the hell. but i didn't want some random-ass mix of tunes. but i was also exhausted and didn't feel like carefully combing through my 5000+ song list. what i did was just scrolled real quick through my itunes and highlighted all the songs that jumped out at me, then i labeled the playlist "i feel like."
this list is a complex measure of everything i was and am feeling at these precise moments. again, i'm going to share, because i feel the need to. there's no special order, they're just alphabetical by song.
the list was put together at random and on instinct. pure.
i love music.
--- i feel like ---
23 - jimmy eat world
a story about a girl - our lady peace
all at once - the fray
beating hearts baby - head automatica
blue and yellow - the used
bonnie tyler shakedown...24k - hellogoodbye
brace - augustana
broken - seether (ft. amy lee)
buried alive by love - him
burn - alkaline trio
cemetery drive - my chemical romance
clumsy - our lady peace
days of the pheonix - afi
demolition lovers - my chemical romance
do it for me now - angels & airwaves
emily - from first to last
endlessly, she said - afi
excuse me mr. - no doubt
the fantasy - 30 seconds to mars
the first single - the format
the fragile - nine inch nails
the gift - angels & airwaves
here's everything i've always wanted to say - jamisonparker
hero/heroine - boys like girls
honey, this mirror isn't big enough for the two of us - my chemical romance
how to save a life - the fray
i'm ready - jack's mannequin
i can't take it - tegan and sara
if you believe - our lady peace
iris (acoustic ver.) - goo goo dolls
the last sunrise - aiden
lazy eye - silversun pickups
lindsay quit lollygagging - chiodos
love song - anberlin
the love song - marilyn manson
makedamnsure - taking back sunday
morningstar - afi
munich - editors
nightingale - saves the day
not enough - our lady peace
numb/encore - linkin park and jay-z
pain - jimmy eat world
potato girl - our lady peace
right here in my arms - him
so contagious - acceptance
so much - the spill canvas
sorry - our lady peace
stay where i can see you - the starting line
the suffering - coheed & cambria
take cover - acceptance
this is how i disappear- my chemical romance
tolovesomebody - billy corgan
we're in this together - nine inch nails
what's said is done - scary kids scaring kids
enjoy.
xoxo.m
what an understatement.
so last night before i crashed, i did something i haven't done in a long time. when i lived at home i couldn't fall asleep unless i had music playing. when i came to OU i used to have to wear my headphones to fall asleep, as to not to disturb liz. i'm sure she would've been fine with me playing music had i asked, but i didn't know her that well at the time and didn't want to be difficult.
so after about a quarter i stopped needing the music to go to sleep. except every once in a while when i was homesick or having a rough time, but for the most part, i got over it.
even now that i finally have my own room again, i'm still out of the habit. until last night. right before i crashed i decided i needed to have the music on. my computer's been working a little better and my parents had just got me new speakers for christmas.
i was a little upset and said what the hell. but i didn't want some random-ass mix of tunes. but i was also exhausted and didn't feel like carefully combing through my 5000+ song list. what i did was just scrolled real quick through my itunes and highlighted all the songs that jumped out at me, then i labeled the playlist "i feel like."
this list is a complex measure of everything i was and am feeling at these precise moments. again, i'm going to share, because i feel the need to. there's no special order, they're just alphabetical by song.
the list was put together at random and on instinct. pure.
i love music.
--- i feel like ---
23 - jimmy eat world
a story about a girl - our lady peace
all at once - the fray
beating hearts baby - head automatica
blue and yellow - the used
bonnie tyler shakedown...24k - hellogoodbye
brace - augustana
broken - seether (ft. amy lee)
buried alive by love - him
burn - alkaline trio
cemetery drive - my chemical romance
clumsy - our lady peace
days of the pheonix - afi
demolition lovers - my chemical romance
do it for me now - angels & airwaves
emily - from first to last
endlessly, she said - afi
excuse me mr. - no doubt
the fantasy - 30 seconds to mars
the first single - the format
the fragile - nine inch nails
the gift - angels & airwaves
here's everything i've always wanted to say - jamisonparker
hero/heroine - boys like girls
honey, this mirror isn't big enough for the two of us - my chemical romance
how to save a life - the fray
i'm ready - jack's mannequin
i can't take it - tegan and sara
if you believe - our lady peace
iris (acoustic ver.) - goo goo dolls
the last sunrise - aiden
lazy eye - silversun pickups
lindsay quit lollygagging - chiodos
love song - anberlin
the love song - marilyn manson
makedamnsure - taking back sunday
morningstar - afi
munich - editors
nightingale - saves the day
not enough - our lady peace
numb/encore - linkin park and jay-z
pain - jimmy eat world
potato girl - our lady peace
right here in my arms - him
so contagious - acceptance
so much - the spill canvas
sorry - our lady peace
stay where i can see you - the starting line
the suffering - coheed & cambria
take cover - acceptance
this is how i disappear- my chemical romance
tolovesomebody - billy corgan
we're in this together - nine inch nails
what's said is done - scary kids scaring kids
enjoy.
xoxo.m
.a story about a girl.
it's 630 in the morning. why is it, that when i crash, i wake up at the weirdest times? i wish i didn't. i think i know why though. i think it's just subconscious. but anyway, my itunes was up when i came over to my computer, and i saw this song on there.
i've been a huge fan of Our Lady Peace for forever, and this song, A Story About A Girl, is one of my favorite songs ever, ever, ever. it was when the CD came out and has been ever since. it's just perfect in all the ways that a song can be perfect, so i decided to share. if you'd like me to send you the song let me know and i will gladly do so.
and right now i feel like listening to it over and over and over. so that's what i'm going to do while i try to fall back asleep.
---
suddenly i'm something i'm not
i'm something that you bought
was it something i said, my friend
little girl are you tripping on this
are you tripping all over it
you better come up for air
a story about a girl
a story about the world
are you waking up slowly
nothing but lonely
are you waking up
holding, holding your breath
are you looking for something
i promise you one thing
i promise i'll always, always be there
baby girl stand up and fight
this is not some paradise
this is just where we live
finally you think you're all right
then it eats you up alive
you better get used to it
a story about a girl
a story about the world
are you waking up slowly
nothing but lonely
are you waking up
holding, holding your breath
are you looking for something
i promise you one thing
i promise i'll always, always be there
with all my faith
with all my heart
and all those simple things you are
i know you're stuck inside your head
your low, you better get used to it
and i know the feeling has to end
we all struggle, it sucks you in again
and your lust, it can't make any sense
this world, it tears you limb from limb
in your world you're nothing but the best
are you waking up slowly
nothing but lonely
are you waking up
holding, holding your breath
are you looking for something
i promise you one thing
i promise i'll always, always be there
with all my faith
and all my heart
and all those simple things
you are
"a story about a girl" [our lady peace]
---
xoxo.m
i've been a huge fan of Our Lady Peace for forever, and this song, A Story About A Girl, is one of my favorite songs ever, ever, ever. it was when the CD came out and has been ever since. it's just perfect in all the ways that a song can be perfect, so i decided to share. if you'd like me to send you the song let me know and i will gladly do so.
and right now i feel like listening to it over and over and over. so that's what i'm going to do while i try to fall back asleep.
---
suddenly i'm something i'm not
i'm something that you bought
was it something i said, my friend
little girl are you tripping on this
are you tripping all over it
you better come up for air
a story about a girl
a story about the world
are you waking up slowly
nothing but lonely
are you waking up
holding, holding your breath
are you looking for something
i promise you one thing
i promise i'll always, always be there
baby girl stand up and fight
this is not some paradise
this is just where we live
finally you think you're all right
then it eats you up alive
you better get used to it
a story about a girl
a story about the world
are you waking up slowly
nothing but lonely
are you waking up
holding, holding your breath
are you looking for something
i promise you one thing
i promise i'll always, always be there
with all my faith
with all my heart
and all those simple things you are
i know you're stuck inside your head
your low, you better get used to it
and i know the feeling has to end
we all struggle, it sucks you in again
and your lust, it can't make any sense
this world, it tears you limb from limb
in your world you're nothing but the best
are you waking up slowly
nothing but lonely
are you waking up
holding, holding your breath
are you looking for something
i promise you one thing
i promise i'll always, always be there
with all my faith
and all my heart
and all those simple things
you are
"a story about a girl" [our lady peace]
---
xoxo.m
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
.well i'm ready.
so here i am, back in athens.
and it feels a lot better here now. especially after living out of a suitcase for the past month.
although it was worth it. great class. great internship (who want me back, even though i don't want to go. and they paid me!). amazing times at home. new year's eve in new york city with my cloops. there were some bumps and it wasn't perfect, but overall, not much could've made it better.
highlights from the city: our luck in finding a parking spot. and $40 on the ground. coffee with famous people at the news bar. coffee at aroma. shopping in soho. buddhas in chinatown. fozen hot chocolate aka nirvana in a glass at serendipity. da nico's. yaffa, tiramisu and adrienne. lunch with david and internship opps. more shopping on st. mark's. trash and jimmy. and tons more that i'll think about in approximately five minutes.
now after a long day of driving and a long night of unpacking it's back to the usual grind - classes, speakeasy and work. and it feels good after a month of constant moving. there's definitely something to be said for stability and consistency.
today was long after being exhausted and not getting much sleep. class 9-1030, errands and a yummy lunch at bagel street, then class again from 1-2 and 2-4. then laundry. ugh.
classes should be good though. this quarter i have an online journalism seminar, history of the middle east, myth & symbolism and graphics. i've had all but graphics, and so far there's a lot of reading. at least it's going to be interesting reading. i hope.
gosh, there are so many things running through my head. maybe it's not the best time to be writing a blog. i'm having trouble organizing my thoughts. i think i'm going to just get back to watching "six feet under," which has become my new obsession.
i hope everyone has a happy and beautiful new year.
xoxo.m
and it feels a lot better here now. especially after living out of a suitcase for the past month.
although it was worth it. great class. great internship (who want me back, even though i don't want to go. and they paid me!). amazing times at home. new year's eve in new york city with my cloops. there were some bumps and it wasn't perfect, but overall, not much could've made it better.
highlights from the city: our luck in finding a parking spot. and $40 on the ground. coffee with famous people at the news bar. coffee at aroma. shopping in soho. buddhas in chinatown. fozen hot chocolate aka nirvana in a glass at serendipity. da nico's. yaffa, tiramisu and adrienne. lunch with david and internship opps. more shopping on st. mark's. trash and jimmy. and tons more that i'll think about in approximately five minutes.
now after a long day of driving and a long night of unpacking it's back to the usual grind - classes, speakeasy and work. and it feels good after a month of constant moving. there's definitely something to be said for stability and consistency.
today was long after being exhausted and not getting much sleep. class 9-1030, errands and a yummy lunch at bagel street, then class again from 1-2 and 2-4. then laundry. ugh.
classes should be good though. this quarter i have an online journalism seminar, history of the middle east, myth & symbolism and graphics. i've had all but graphics, and so far there's a lot of reading. at least it's going to be interesting reading. i hope.
gosh, there are so many things running through my head. maybe it's not the best time to be writing a blog. i'm having trouble organizing my thoughts. i think i'm going to just get back to watching "six feet under," which has become my new obsession.
i hope everyone has a happy and beautiful new year.
xoxo.m
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